The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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