dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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