remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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