i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
