I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
