I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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