If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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