my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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