well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
