I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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