i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
