If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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