Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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