So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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