I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
