The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
