She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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