I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
