Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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