a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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