considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
