Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
