I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize