her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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