i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
