dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
