Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
