My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize