Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.

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(805): View more from California

my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"

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(852): View more from

come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air

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(440): View more from Ohio

Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.

(1-440): View more from Ohio

That's better than I've done so far.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months

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(515): View more from Iowa

You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?

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