Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
