Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
