I hope mine doesn't look like that
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
