i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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