So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
