Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
