Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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