there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
