I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
