She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
