Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
