I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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