Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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