she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
