I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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