I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
