Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
