My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
