Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
