we have pet lesbian snakes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
