He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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