The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
