GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize