Pants 0. Shit 1.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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