Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
