Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
