wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We're too hungover to prance.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
