tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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