Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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