She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize