if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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