you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
