Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im holly from the hills drunk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
