Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
