never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
