The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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