i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
