I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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