whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
