It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
