it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I could make wine with my vomit
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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